Endless love

I haven't much to share. No pictures. No exciting stories. It seems that more is going on internally for me these days than externally. The last weeks have been emotional and exhausting. I feel that I'm learning huge lessons every day as I'm entering more and more into the role of a therapist.

Mostly, I'm realizing how amazing children are.

I've met with a few of them in therapy at the elementary school. While talking and playing with them can be easier for me than with adults, I also cannot fool a kid. I am required to fully be myself with them. And if I'm not, they'll feel it. They'll notice at an intuitive level that I'm holding back or feeling uncomfortable. I amazed myself when I asked a girl if she wanted to pretend that I was her and she was the girl in her class who picks on her all the time. She was all for it and so we ran around the room like we were in gym class and she pushed me around a little and I pretended to cry and be mad that I was being pushed. And then we played in a doll house and she told me who to be and what to do. It was great! And while I was having fun with her, I learned so much about her and what she's struggling with. It was amazing!

I also am hearing a lot about abuse and neglect from some kids. And that has left me with a lot of sadness and anger. So many of the kids at my school are affected by the recent crackdown on immigration. It's awful. AWFUL. One girl's father is being detained in jail because he is illegal. He's been there for 8 months. One child's father was sent back to Mexico. One child's father is dead and her mother and grandmother are in jail. It's just so sad to hear from such a young voice about 'We don't have our papers' and 'My dad is illegal.' I don't want these kids to have to deal with this. I want to scoop them up and love them and give them what they're missing. This not being possible or even helpful, I have to remind myself that by running around a room with them or letting them play in the sandtray in my room - that this is my way to love them and protect them. To let them find ways to express and take care of their inner worlds through their relationship with me. I have to trust that just half an hour a week with me could provide just a little relief for them. I can't bring their fathers back or fix the immigration system.

So onward I go. Another week of lessons awaits. I never know what I'll get when I step into a room with a client. It's an incredible thing I signed up for here.

Besides all this - I'm realizing more and more every day how blessed I am to have Toby in my life. I don't think I can express enough how incredible he is and how much our relationship has grown in the last several months. We've had a rough time and we keep coming back and keep growing and falling in love all over again. I didn't know love was like this. That it is endless.

Lionel Richie really knew what he was talking about. http://www.lyricsfreak.com/l/lionel+richie/endless+love_20083832.html (for your nostalgic pleasure)